You probably heard that when you die, at the front of your eyes there is this movie of your life being played. You can see yourself and all what you lived through clearer. It is the same for anything that dies in our lives, and not different for our relationships, if we are attentive and open to listen.
I myself could not believe that just simple but clear taking a decision that it is time to part, can ignite very strong process of closing, even if it was my own decision.
Suddenly various scenes starts to flow freely into your consciousness, stripped of ornaments and excuses. You see clearly your own failures, your own conditioned behaviours where you were not yourself because maybe fear of rejection or abandonment were making you act in an unnatural way, being dishonest, not setting clear boundaries or daring to ask for what was important for you. You see when you lacked compassion or was too harsh, disconnected, or when you acted like a child lost in helplessness, while actually you should act differently. And you probably would if you could. Now you would know what to do. But it is past. It is gone. What is done can not be undone. You can only ask forgiveness even just in your own heart.
Then you also see all of the mistakes and misbehavior of the other, without trying to make it look better or worse than it was. Where they were dishonest or hurtful. Where there were problems, coldness, judgment. Where they maybe lacked awareness, or compassion, or because of God know why (i bet fears again) acted unnaturally, or caused you pain. Do not turn away. Feel.
You also see their humanness and how your behaviors were often hooked up together. How maybe stoping for a moment, taking a gentle breath instead of reacting would be enough. Now it is to late to change it. You might feel compassion and forgive. Hopefully you can.
Anger, despair, resentment, sadness, disappointment, rage, denial or doubt, tears and helplessness… All this and more are present in this initial processes and it is good so.
Then through you flow all the pictures of beauty, tenderness, acts of care and love, happy moments, when there was synchronicity harmony and indescribable beauty, when you were moved to tears and your heart was totally open and unprotected. All what brings you joy that uplifts you, that makes your heart swell and overflow with gratitude. So lucky we were to make those experiences. I am so thankful. My soul soars.
Then comes love. When did you feel it first? Maybe long before you actually came together… You remember all those moments, when love was present… when you felt it, when you could clearly feel it from the other, when it was just there like a space of two hearts that melted together. You expand and lift up even more… all your defenses disappear. Maybe you yourself disappear into that feeling of love that is all and everywhere.
Astoundingly in my experience, and I have been through it a few times, this process takes in its essence three days. And at times if feels like suddenly part of our soul is gone. Sometimes we are suddenly lighter and free and letting go seems not so difficult anymore. Other times it s just acknowledgment of what we haven’t seen clearly, it is purification that helps just to grow into who we are in our core or maybe into the new stage of relationship.
I believe it also helps us prepare to leave this body one day. I have a feeling dying looks pretty much the same just much much much more intense. If such a process spontaneously happens to you, about anything in life you lost: a pet, your work, kids leaving home, or anything else do not resist, let it flow through you and show you the mirror. Feel. In this moments Life itself holds you in its arms.